Ida Harris, Contributor Published 6:00 a.m. ET Nov. 27, 2018 | Updated 12:05 p.m. ET Nov. 27, 2018
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Stephanie Hollifield and her babe Haley. Hollifield is actuality accepted for her alertness to ask for admonition afterwards she couldn’t amount out how to appearance Haley’s hair. (Photo: Courtesy of Stephanie Hollifield)
Sometimes, the best affair we can do as parents is acquire back we’re not acceptable at article and ask for help.
That’s what Stephanie Hollifield did in a base column that’s angry into a alarm for compassionate and compassion.
Before Thanksgiving, Hollifield got a photo of her 2-year-old babe Haley from a academy teacher. Haley, who is adopted, beamed as she atramentous a account of a turkey. But Hollifield, who’s white, focused on Haley’s hair. She acquainted her child’s beard looked unkempt, admitting circadian care. She acquainted like a “failure” as a mom for her disability to accumulate her little girl well-groomed.
Hollifield took to Facebook to lay bald her guilt. She called herself a “clueless white momma” and asked “black accompany of amusing media” for any and all admonition they could action for her child’s tresses.
After account the all-encompassing routine Hollifield, a wife and mother of five, has for Haley’s hair, she concluded her column with a book every ancestor can chronicle to:
“I badly appetite to get this right!”
Her heartfelt appeal set off a beachcomber of abutment and accord for the Georgia mom who runs the Momstrosity blog. Many were affected that Hollifield would put herself out there – apparent to the generally awful criticism of amusing media comments – for the account of her daughter.
Strangers started advising articles they alone begin formed for atramentous hair. They tagged accompany with beard they admired to allotment advice. They reassured her that she’d get it eventually.
Some aggregate photo examples of their children’s hair.
But one being went an added step. Monica Hunter, a atramentous mom who lived not far from Hollifield, offered to appear to Hollifield for a step-by-step tutorial in admonishment textured hair.
Though she was agnostic at first, Hollifield took Hunter up on her offer and arrive her to her home, area Hunter styled Haley’s beard and gave Hollifield acquaint in which combs and products assignment best. She wouldn’t acquire any money. But she did take Hollifield up on an action of friendship.
“What was batty to me about Monica was that I had never met her and she offered to appear to my home. At aboriginal I affectionate of laughed and was like, ‘Yeah I will do that one day.’ I never actually anticipation she meant it. But she did and she accomplished out afresh and came over and was so affectionate and helpful.” Hollifield told USA TODAY.
Question: Did you accept any anxiety in extensive out to the black community to get admonition for your daughter’s hair?
Hollifield:I had anxiety on how to chat it, but back adopting our earlier son from advance care, we accept accepted the amount of extensive out to our atramentous accompany and neighbors. It is actually account any ache or learning/growing pains I ability feel to accept ability on how to accession my children. Not aloof with beard and bark care but culturally and otherwise.
Q: What gives you the adventuresomeness to advance accomplished ache back it comes to talking about race?
Hollifield: I accept that no one owes us annihilation and we actually went into this acceptance actual naive. We acquainted that we could be colorblind and adulation our accouchement and serve all of our accouchement in the aforementioned way. What we accept abstruse is we can’t be dark to their ability and their color. We accept to bless it and we accept to admonition them be appreciative of it.
We accept been so, so beholden for all of our atramentous accompany who accept stepped up and affectionate of partnered with us in that. It is awkward to cross that amplitude as a white woman who was accomplished that to allocution about chase is racist. That was a big acquirements ambit to accept that we bare to apprentice and allocution about race. I abhorrence that we didn’t accept that adumbration afore we had kids, but we didn’t.
Q: What was your acknowledgment to all the feedback?
Hollifield:Monica and I accept been abashed that so abounding bodies are interested. But I adulation the conversations it is starting!
Q: Since Monica’s help, do you acquisition accomplishing your daughter’s beard easier? What articles and techniques accept you put in convenance since?
Hollifield:I knew that I was missing article simple. I’ve had such candied accompany and association associates footfall up and acquaint me what articles to use. We accept been to the salon and they accept been such a help. What I didn’t accept was that Haley’s beard bare to be in a careful appearance best of the time in adjustment to assure it, accumulate it healthy, and admonition it grow. I additionally didn’t understand, or anytime brainstorm that we would be able to do these careful styles ourselves.
Monica came over and actually absolved me through it. I didn’t apperceive that’s what I needed, but it actually was. Appropriate now we are accomplishing lots of little puffs. Her beard is still so abbreviate and it is so accomplished that Monica was abashed braids wouldn’t authority appropriate now. I watched a YouTube video the added night and did aberration some her hair. It looks cool beautiful for about 20 minutes, and again came out. I accept some assignment to do.
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Read or Allotment this story: https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/allthemoms/2018/11/27/strangers-embrace-white-mom-whos-clueless-black-daughters-hair/2116117002/
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