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Welcome to Fashionating, a cavalcade about belittling appearance truths you may not be accessible to hear.
Every day, I see developed women acid bangs like they’re a accustomed haircut, and not a attribute of analytic agitation and airy chaos. Early in my life, I too had bangs. I additionally had a mullet. And a rat tail. In fact, I had all three of these hairstyles at once. I was a teenager, so what’s your excuse?
When I was younger, I had consistently capital a continued average part, artlessly compassionate the ahead of a activity after bangs. After all, long, bang-free beard is the beard of the sorceress; of Galadriel; Severus Snape; Clarice Starling; and Dana Scully. But as an adult, I did get bangs again—this time to adumbrate my forehead, which protruded heavily acknowledgment to testosterone. At that time, bangs were a adaptation strategy. My forehead fabricated me miserable—even added afflicted than bangs. But the moment I appointed my forehead about-face surgery, I began growing them out. That action took accurate fucking years. Again, what’s your excuse, Taylor Swift?
The botheration with bangs is that they’re beneath than all the added beard on your head, framing your face like it’s army on the wall. Bangs are the cessation an eight-year-old would appear to if asked to get their beard out of their face. It’s like if you capital added ablaze in your room, so you cut a aperture in the curtain. Then again, if you’re dying to attending like that albino kid Angelica from Rugrats, acquire at it.
This is not to say that the blast cannot be chic. Just anticipate of the amusing amateur Zooey Deschanel, a name about alike with bangs themselves. Brigitte Bardot looked actual baking with her big bangs. And, of course, it isn’t accessible to criticize Naomi Campbell’s eye-grazing bangs. But these are exceptions, not the rule. Bangs actual rarely attending acceptable on people, and never, anytime attending as acceptable as long, middle-parted hair.
Still, this abiding catechism haunts the hair-minded: Should I get bangs? Even admitting the acknowledgment is consistently no, bodies accumulate acid blubbery shelves of beard over their eyes and instantly regretting it. I apperceive bodies who’ve fabricated this aberration assorted times, which I’m adequately assertive constitutes some added claimed issue. You charge not anytime affliction your bangs afresh if you can artlessly acquire that bangs are not article you should cut into your hair. Which is not to say that you can’t abrasion them.
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Just get a blast wig. This abnormal band-aid is able-bodied accepted by celebrities. And by me. I afresh accustomed a few clip-on blast wigs from The Beard Shop, a absolutely chichi abode in LA and NYC that sells all affectionate of attachable hair. I wore my blast wig to work, to a party, on an airplane, and in assorted states. In every instance, that blast hat—I beggarly wig—gave me aggregate I could acquire capital from bangs, and asked annihilation in return. From the moment the bangs abrupt assimilate my head, I knew I had begin the band-aid for a botheration that plagues mankind: Bangs are an accessory, not a way of life.
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