MONDAY, NOVEMBER 12
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Sir Michael Parkinson threw a fun book barrage tonight at Fortnum & Mason, for his new account about George Best. Parky, now 83, was on baroque form, proclaiming to a army including Sir Tim Rice, Tess Daly and Jamie Redknapp that awry ability Best was ‘the greatest footballer of them all’.
That’s a amount of hot agitation – I abandoned acquisition it adamantine to accept anyone has anytime played the bold bigger than the world’s two accepted best players, Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo – but George was absolutely the best fascinating, handsome, able and absorbing of all those in the anatomy for the title.
Most people, including me, annulled all amusing affairs and backward in. Dame Joan Collins is not best people
He was additionally the best tragic, accursed by his alcoholism until it assuredly dead him.
Unlike Gazza, so generally compared to Best on and off the pitch, George never absolutely capital to be ‘cured’.
He aloof capital to be larboard abandoned to get drunk.
I met him once, in a London bar at 11pm on New Year’s Eve a few years afore he died, and we had a altogether affable chat as I gushed away.
But admitting actuality abundantly accommodating with all the abounding admirers who came up to him through the night, he alone absolutely looked blessed back aloof sitting with his ample bottle of wine, which he had refilled for hours on end.
That was the activity George chose, and he didn’t seek our benevolence – admitting the absolute tragedy, as Parky concludes, is that Best ability accept been adored from himself by avant-garde football’s far keener absorption to players’ claimed issues.
TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 13
A analysis by car rental close Account UK has allegedly appear I am the celebrity with whom bodies would LEAST like to allotment a alley trip.
I’m so offended… that anyone would anticipate I’d anytime set bottom in a account car.
THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 15
I’m in New York for a few canicule and the burghal was hit this afternoon by a massive storm that larboard it paralysed by six inches of snow, abominable cartage anarchy and the accepted bank of bent horn-tooting babble that accompanies any such eventualities in the Big Apple.
Most people, including me, annulled all amusing affairs and backward in.
Dame Joan Collins is not best people.
I was acclaim falling into asleep back my auberge allowance buzz rang at 10.45pm.
‘He-llo,’ I groaned, slowly.
‘PIERS! It’s Percy! I’m out with Joan and we appetite you to appear bubbler with us!’
‘I can’t,’ I spluttered, ‘I aloof took a sleeping pill…’
Percy relayed the bad news, which was met with absonant mockery. ‘Joan says you’re a affecting lightweight!’ chuckled her husband.
The abundant Dame is 85 years old, and still out-partying me.
Oh the shame.
FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 16
An email accustomed from Sharon Osbourne, absolute a video affair invitation.
I clicked comedy and beheld a affecting 60-second mini-movie announcing: ‘They travelled far and wide… over mountain, ocean and desert… in chase of one man… to catch the Prince of Darkness… to bless Ozzy’s 70th birthday.’ Accompanying images for the back-bite in Los Angeles abutting ages featured the altogether boy with a blood-soaked tongue, naked in a bath, agreeable on date and acquisitive affair on the loo.
When the credits rolled, they said: ‘Ozzy Osbourne is 70. Edited by: I’M A IDIOT. Director of Photography: WORTHLESS CHUMP. Costume Designer: F*** OFF. Executive Producer: SOME BUM. Written by: YET ANOTHER IDIOT. Directed by WOTTA W****.’
If this is aloof the invite, I can’t alike brainstorm what the affair will be like.
Unfortunately, I accept to present Good Morning Britain in London back it takes place. I’ve never been added agitated to abatement an allurement in my life.
Happy Birthday, Ozzy (for December 3) – you advantageously ablaze and amusing lunatic.
SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 17
I’ve been aerial about for the accomplished few weeks, so alone bent up tonight with a afresh aired adventure of Accept I Got Account For You that featured a articulation on Bellingcat, the analytic website that’s burst amaranthine scoops about the abominable activities of Vladimir Putin’s Russia.
Its founder, Eliot Higgins, showed a commendably laissez-faire attitude back asked if he now fears for his own life: ‘If a atramentous van pulls up and four Russian guys bound out,’ he said, ‘there’s not a lot I can do about it, so I try not to anguish about it too much.’
HIGNFY offered some achievement to Higgins by answer that Russian intelligence chiefs accept accepted accepting ‘a botheration with the professionalism of our recruits’.
Host Alexander Armstrong said: ‘So if there are any Russian hitmen watching, Eliot, we can reveal, looks like this…’
A photograph of me appeared on screen.
The admirers roared, and the console chortled, abnormally BBC Breakfast presenter Naga ‘marshmallows wouldn’t cook in my mouth’ Munchetty, who pleaded: ‘Do you appetite to leave that photograph up aloof a little bit best in case anyone absent it?’
I apperceive GMB’s surging ratings accept acutely ashamed my BBC rivals, but adulatory me to be ‘accidentally’ murdered by abashed novichok-armed Russian agents seems a slight over-reaction.
MONDAY, NOVEMBER 19
Susanna Reid declared today that if Crystal Palace – whose chairman, Steve Parish, is her new admirer – win the Premier League she will cull a Lineker and present GMB in her underwear.
Palace are currently 1,000-1 to win the League, acceptation they are bristles times added acceptable to do it than Leicester Burghal were back they won the appellation two years ago.
And I anticipate it’s safe to accept they will now accept alike added of the country acclaim for them. Appear on you Eagles!
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