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The queen mother is accepting a feast, and I am arrive to attend.

Naturally, I barber my legs and cast my beard and accept my finest accouterments (elegant and understated); I put on a blow of make-up, abundant to accomplish me attending absorbing but not freakish. Everything basic in all-important actual adornment, I perform. I apperceive that I can’t apprehend aerial ceremoniousness at this feast, back I am not able or prestigious, but I achievement that by agency of wit and breeding I can allure attention. Power and authority don’t amount to the queen mother actual much, afterwards all. But they do assume to amount at feasts, and I like feasts. I achievement there will be wine. The media will be there, so conceivably I can win a little attention, beforehand my apathetic career.

Here we are in the feast hall, and the accepted honorary guests are built-in in places of renown, acceptance the queen mother herself is boilerplate to be seen. Several cogent dignitaries assume to accept allegation of the affair, bodies I apperceive casually, and don’t like actual much, acceptance one charge pretend to acquisition them delightful.

The speakers are speechifying. They use the actual language: encounter, liturgy, sacrament. (Or, if it’s a hardly altered affectionate of event: hegemony, identity, her-story).

The speakers:

Several guests who arise not to fit in accept been built-in far to the back: there is a woman in diaphoresis pants, a man with tattoos accoutrement his face. One bedfellow has sores accoutrement her face, like those of a meth addict. Addition has bandaged wrists. As I attending around, I apprehend that, while the accident coordinators and the guests of account and their families attending appropriately elegant, added and added guests on the bound of the accident do not fit in with the angel expected.

Someone built-in abreast me, addition additionally alluringly clad (though not decidedly artistic, I agenda – not as absorbing as I am!), whispers a acerb question: what is this, a feast or a hospital? Or conceivably a abandoned apartment or adjust facility?

Well, which is it? Banquet, or hospital?

We do allege generally of the abbey as a hospital, of God as the all-powerful physician. So never mind, I was mistaken. I came assured a banquet, and activate myself in a hospital. Those accident coordinators accept it wrong. This is not a abode for the guests of account in their accomplished clothes, advancing for their book-signings, but for the sick, the depressed, the poor, the addicted. Conceivably I can somehow accord money to this cause.

But again I remember, that back I able for the feast I was careful, in my ritual of actual adornment, to adumbrate my own actual scars. I acclimated composition to beard the aphotic rings about my eyes, the affidavit of anxiety-ridden hawkeye nights and too abundant alcohol. My aesthetic beautification is there not to reveal, but to conceal. I accept done affected work.  I am adequate at costuming, and adequate at acting. I was arrive to the hospital, too – and these guests of honor, these admirable ones, these speakers, are as ailing as I am, conceivably not with the aforementioned illnesses, but ailing all the same, alike if they don’t yet apperceive it. We were all arrive calm to this banquet, this hospital. It is for us all.

I sit there, absorption this fact. And I accede that if I address about this, in aloof the adapted language, I too ability anytime get to be a apostle up there with the others. No one could absolutely article to what I’d accept to say.

But that’s a amount of language, too, accent acclimated to dress up and beard reality, to adumbrate wounds instead of healing them. The man with the bandaged wrists could article able-bodied enough; he could angle up and say: this is all a amount of shit; no one is actuality healed here.

Then addition would alarm the aegis guards, and hustle him out. He said the amiss thing; he burst the illusion.

Two pieces I read, recently, accent for me the blemish of our accent and our theology:  Mary Pezzulo’s “Faith Comes by Hearing”and  Anne Carpenter’s “Sorrow at the Joy of Love”. In the first, the columnist writes of how a priest forbade her alike to allege of her adventures of abuse. In the second, the columnist describes how, as a victim of abuse, the celebrations over Amoris Laetitia – the accurate joy of adulation – can not assume real.

What if the adapted accent is the amiss language?Because, as anon as I draw on the accent that beautifies, I am assuming that wounds aren’t real, that adversity is all in the past, or, worse, that adversity is absolutely a blessing, because afterwards adversity this or that affluent blessed actuality wouldn’t be affluent and blessed today. I am now one of the dignitaries, no best one of the sick. Except that the dignitaries are sick, too, but not in the way they pretend. The dignitaries can adapted the accent of the ailing (we’re all sinners, haha!) while cautiously cartoon a band amid adequate sickness, adequate means of actuality a bad Catholic….and the sins that we don’t absolutely appetite to forgive, types of bad Catholic we don’t appetite amid us.

We accept a admirable angel of what we accept in and ambition the apple to see, back they see us, so what to do with those bits of actuality that do not fit accurately into the attractive circuitous we construct?

Kick them out. Don’t let them speak. What they say will afflict us. We ability not be able to be absolutely so happy, afterwards we apprehend what they accept to say, those fragments. The abbey is hte anatomy beautiful. Cut off the limbs that don’t alive up to the ideal.

So on the affair of war we accept aloof war theory, noncombatant casualties, accessory damage, affable blaze – we accept glory, patriotism, freedom, and honor. Don’t attending at the bodies. There are no bodies.

Let’s not allocution about brainy illness. At least, not our own. It’s consistently the Added who is sick.

On the affair of sex we allege of relation, mutuality, conjugal embrace, conjugal act, intimacy. But there’s a accomplished accoutrements of added words out there for sex, words we can’t allege because again we’d accept to accept of the realities of abandon or transgression. We name alone some of our anatomy parts, or pretend we’re not talking about anatomy genitalia at all. We brainstorm a branch of adorableness and accord and abundance where, in fact, there is generally affliction and degradation.

When it comes to homosexuality, we allege of “same sex attraction” – because alike to let gay bodies name themselves would be to accord them too abundant reality, and we are abashed of them (that’s addition one of the sicknesses the dignitaries don’t appetite to admit). We allege of the “homosexual lifestyle” to beard the actuality that we are fixating on the assorted mechanisms of gay animal expression, prying indecently into the lives of others, bulging a accomplished accountability of disgustingness, violence, and affliction assimilate the apple of gay acquaintance rather than acceptance that there is disgustingness, violence, and affliction everywhere.

I’m acceptance to my sickness, and I accede myself appropriately added aware than the dignitaries: I broke, and the ablaze streamed in.

And in cerebration this, I am ailing in a way I myself don’t appetite to confess.

There’s a lot I’d like to say about what’s missing in Canon of the Body. Why is it so generally the youthful, happy, advantageous anatomy we allege of? What about blood-soaked bodies, anorexic bodies, self-mutilated bodies, ailing bodies, bashed bodies, absorbed bodies, baleful bodies, raped bodies, askew bodies, bodies in which we do not feel at home, bodies no one loves or wishes to embrace, bodies that accept aghast us, are betraying us alike now?

What about the bodies of those who accept done acts of violence, bodies of murderers and rapists and abusers and pedophiles? How can a canon of accord and adulation activate to allege to bodies for whom the absolute actual affiliation to added animal bodies is a disaster?

Our use of accent is declared to communicate, but in communicating absoluteness we appearance it to fit our needs. If we allegation to accomplish the abbey attending beautiful, we use admirable language, and those realities that can’t be announced of are re-named, or abroad larboard nameless, hidden. So abundant of what we contemplate, back we allege of adoration and relation, depends aloft the acceptable blind of those aspects that do not fit neatly into our vision. Accent itself determines this, as we accept a set tone, register, and cant to fit the accountable matter. To allege of angelic things in base accent is advised abuse and blasphemy, but maybe we allegation to draw on the accent of abuse to accomplish faculty of Christ’s access into a agitated world, to accord choir to those who are silenced. We accept what we allegation to allege of this, if we dare: the absolute wounds of Christ. But we charge not debris to apprehend of the wounds of the wounded, who accept not yet healed.

The anatomy of Christ was burst and broken; the bodies of men and women are burst and violated. We allegation a accent and a canon to allege of the anatomy in its brokenness.

image credit:

1) Healing the sick, adorn by Domenico di Bartolo. Sala del Pellegrinaio (hall of the pilgrim), Hospital Santa Maria della Scala, Siena. Public Domain. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Pellegrinaio_Santa_Maria_della_Scala_n5.jpg

2) Two lepers denied access to town, 14th century. Public area in the US (PD – US). https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Leprosorium.jpg

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